I’ve been living life as a (bald) women with a shaved head for the past few days. I was less than eager to arrive at this point-writing about my final hair cutting experience. Has the suspense been killing you? Frankly, I have been having so much fun that the nearing end was depressing me. Hence, the lack of a blog entry since Tuesday. Being unable to schedule my next appointment was more saddening than actually getting the rest of my hair shaved off. The night before the final shavedown my little keratin top was sore, and short, strawberry hairs were easy to pull out of my scalp by touching them with any slight pressure. We (Ben and I) were worried that upon my sitting, James approaching with the clippers, my hair would just press the eject button, and be pulled right out instead of being clipped by the vibrating razor blades. Then low and behold, I’d be sitting there bald and exposed. I was crying and upset. We had waited too long to shave it (notice splotchiness in the pics)! One of my wise friends got wind of my dilemma through my emotional, erratic text and wrote back …”Well you’re going to be bald and exposed either way so what’s the problem, babes?” There you have it, “Duh” I thought, Jenny was right. I’m shaving my head! What the hell is wrong with me?
I’ve worn one of my wigs twice and not for longer than two hours each time. It was probably the most uncomfortable couple hours my head ever went through, except for maybe the pink, spongy curlers I had to sleep in when I was a girl. “A women must suffer for her beauty.” Well not anymore. I have been liberated. I am free. Loving and embracing cutting through the air with my new aerodynamic head has been exhilirating. I have only had it covered because it is so damn cold here. At night if I forget to insulate my brain from the chill of the Buffalo night (which only happened once), I dream of ice storms and hiking to far away Siberian lands without a jacket.
But along with being bald, the other gnarly side effects I have been experiencing all week have been trumping my desire to write or to enjoy starting new scarf and hat fads. FASCINATOR! I have been angry, sad, and at times (Ahhh, I don’t wanna say it ) regretful. I know how strong I truly am. All of this garbage (life-saving medicine) that is being pumped into me is compromising my thinking, my emotions, and my poor body. “You could have fought harder your own way”, I keep hearing my heart whispering. But this IS my own way, this is the way I am fighting. Allowing myself to actually experience my grief for this whole ordeal, once in a while, helps me to feel better (somewhat sometimes), but I have to remember that once my body levels out from one side effect, there could be a new and even more rotten around the corner. Though that contradicts my whole rigorous philosophy of positive thinking, its the truth and what occurs next will only be revealed by time. So I’m imagining myself as a Shetland Sheep Dog on the hardest agility obstacle course ever invented. I must win the competition. Every time I jump through one hoop, there is a long dark tunnel and I can only see a twinkle of the light at the end. FOCUS ON THAT. Also the next hoop is probably engulfed in flames. Make it through that hoop too, your fur will grow back, girl.
Thanks to Dan for edging up my buzzcut! His newly aquired barber skills are well worth every penny. He went to school in NYC. TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS!!! Thank you JAMES!!! You’re such a generous, thoughtful artist! And thank you to ANN and the whole crew at CHEZ ANN, you are all such wonderful, friendly people. I will visit with or without hair to say hello. I can’t wait to go get some wigs with you, Ashlynn…
And thanks to my very own paparazzi, Ashley (and Rachael)!!!!
I’ve included a pick of my BFF Joey who shaved his hair off in my honor on Tuesday morning. Thanks, love ya buddy!
Thank you to everyone who has made my gradual mowing such an enlightening experience. I have had so much fun. This will not be the end of this blog or my writing entries. Also, you can expect a full photo and blog series of my transformation. Coming soon.