Well hello there (you know the voice), I had no idea you’d been waiting for me…blink blink, batt batt (yes I still have eyelashes, thank Yahweh). Its been fourteen days since my last blog entry and twelve since my last chemotherapy sesh. You do the math to figure out where I’ve been hiding. “The effects are cumulative,” I was told over the phone yesterday (by a nurse practitioner who was returning my inquiry as to why
I was feeling so terrible). Yet, another factor about this route of treatment that I somehow wasn’t privy to, despite my extensive, exhaustive research. So besides feeling like I got hit by the bus from “Speed” (I’m upping the corn factor on this one folks, maybe due to the painters blaring cheesy, new rock next door, yuck!), my schedule has been jam-packed. Well if I haven’t been posting any pics or writing any blogs, what have I been doing with all of my time you may be wondering…? I have had a more busy social life than when I was a teenager. When you have a sort of affliction, people who love you, want to see you. They UNKNOWINGLY put unnecessary pressure on you to show them that you are in fact, alive, sort of well, and still looking normal (and commenting on your surprisingly, wonderful appearance is always their first order of business). It’s all out of love…Don’t get me wrong here, no one loves to hang out more than me! And it gives me a reason to look good which in turn makes me feel better. But damn, am I tired? My pre-cancer self was slightly flakey (whether I would like to admit it or not and I don’t). I was often making plans with whosit and whatsit then not showing up for whatever reason. I felt guilty blowing things and people off, but not enough to cease or desist that behavior. Lately, I have been keeping the majority of my engagements, yet another positive change that I have reaped from Cancer (haha Bitch, I’m beating you in every event).
-Furthermore, I express my sincere gratitude to you Cancer, for the countless coincidences in relation to my pilgrimage back to Buffalo that have occurred and continue to reveal themselves. The people I find myself surrounded by, the places, classes, and activities I am involved in, and the constant bright light burning in me that lights the fire under my ass to keep me forging ahead, are all small little favors from you for the shit you’ve put me through. Good lookin’ out. Like a contrite ex-lover seeking atonement, I knew you’d start getting me back sooner or later. –
Although we had to reschedule once because chemo took too long (as usual) last time, and as everything happens as it should, Ann had to leave work early anyways, (BREATH) we (THE LOVELY Ann of CHEZ ANN SALON and I) finally found the time and energy to meet up for a post hairdid project chat. We talked and laughed. She shared lots of stories of her clients’ trials and tribulations with cancer. Sadly, Ann mentioned some of those who unfortunately didn’t win the war, but she always reverted back to her empathy for her patients’ battles and not her own fight against cancer, as is usual for this selfless, caring individual. She said she never missed a beat during her course (because, I think, she is a warrior princess). Then in our talking journey we discovered that yes, the ideals regarding the blocked heart chakra and that taking care of everybody else before oneself, along with the over-mothering of others, does probably manifest itself in tumors in a woman’s breasts. A problem of the heart (not referring to the organ) could explain why breast cancer is slightly more common in the left breast than in the right. Right? Right. Which brings us to wheeling, dealing, and self-healing the chakras. Much of this relates to color.
Let me break it down for you:
Pink and green: the two colors associated with healing the heart chakra.
Did the people who gave rise to pink as the signature color for breast cancer awareness (coating a new patients life instantly in a layer of pepto bismol, gag) have secret spy information about the importance of this color in healing the heart chakra or is it just a silly fluke?? I can’t imagine that reiki was taken into consideration when they were deciding what color their fannypacks ( for the Susan G. Komen and/or Avon walk ) would be the cutest in. AND do they have the skinny on the importance of GREEN in healing? Does anyone? Green is the ONLY thing that makes me feel NORML (not a type-o) these days. C’mon New York, get with the program. If you were as ahead of the curve as your biggest city is in all things that are in vogue, perhaps my dry, blogless, nauseous, painful two weeks would have been gratifyingly filled with exercise, lots of healthy eating, hours of laughter, and fueled by more creative energy than a painter who just got dumped. Then those of us, although hairless, characters undergoing chemotherapy in this state would manage to still have that Soul Glo.
Check out my soul glowing through all of my glorious looks from when I was rockin’ “real human hair” do’s daily…
Thanks for all your love and support.